NOT FALLING IN LOVE Love is something precious to destroy falling in love
By Randi Aino
Before discussing "cheese saying a word, "said Alberto Irizar in the famous television show Smack in the bar, back in the sixties.
After putting the title of this conference is not necessarily erudite, I concluded some appropriate titles, knowing that he would deal with themes related to love, would be:
- "Do not Know! "
-"¡¡¡ I have no IDEA!" or
- "IF THERE ARE MANY OTHER ISSUES TO PLAY FOR WHAT YOU PUT WITH THIS?"
Top declaring that if someone feels offended by what I mean, it's my fault, but only in part. Why? Because I speak the truth as long as it's true for me. Truth is not reality. No one has to blindly accept what I say, nor reject it. Why confess it is only partly my fault?: Because I know the feelings of others, and you can trust that no one knows the absolute truth. Do not ask me too much about it, because maybe I have to question myself what am I doing here at this time.
What I will say is partly based on my own experience, and also observing the behavior of others, where I was and am a mere spectator. Beyond books, there is the experience of life daily: our family, our parents, our friends and others.
To break the ice, start with an ironic quote from Ambrose Bierce
in Devil's Dictionary.
Love: a temporary insanity curable only by marriage.
Sounds fun, but here Bierce confuse "love" with "love". Then begin to differentiate love from infatuation, the commonly called crush.
Love is a genuine and valid: filial piety, brotherly love, mutual love, the love one feels for a friend. I will not to be questioned.
But this has nothing to do with the crush, the process by which people lose sanity, common sense and often faceless to us, degrade us, in pursuit of "being loved." We lose our independence, we succumb to the wishes of another, we become slaves, we can not be a second without seeing, without touching, without being with the other, we send e-mails, text messages, pagers, cable, little notes, neglect our work, our friends, our hobbies, y. .. paradoxically seem to enjoy it ...
is that in the instant violent occurring brain chemical processes such as segregation of substances that cloud the argument and put the "victim" intellectual level of an amoeba. It's kind of vest chemical that makes us prisoners. You could say, somewhat boldly, that falling in love is good for a lover in the same sense that a dose of heroin is "good" for a heroin addict.
Will this be a biological mechanism designed to enable the "love" to mate? Many say yes, others doubt.
also not forget that instant violent love can fall into despair at the first sign of contempt from one who is in love. That is, if being in love is not reciprocated, you suffer. If applicable, also suffer. Sooner or later it happens.
You lose touch with reality, falls into a kind of "affective vorticemanía single issue." The beloved is EVERYTHING. An all in capital letters. A kind of property. "It is my woman", "It's mine." In short, one is degraded.
Let's see, let us make some questions: Do love of your children? Do you love one of his father, mother, brother or sister?
No, but you can fall in love with a cousin or cousin, of course. Maybe an aunt or uncle. There the blood tie is somewhat distant and not uncommon case where this kind of infatuation.
What can exist between mother and child is a kind of obsession, overprotection, dependency, but there is no place for sexual love (unless you believe in the Freudian hypothesis.) Incest is a case where there is sex but not necessarily love.
Now go to the merits, but not as far back as we turn around no more ...
Why men and women have the need to live as a couple?
For the fear of freedom. Nothing frightens men more than freedom. Freedom puts people in one of their worst nightmares: it involves uncertainty, be independent, the challenge of not relying on anyone (be it people or dogmas), to address the cultural paradigm of fashion, resolved, support himself, living a life out of the fees that make "natural" or "normal." What is often called "being alone." So
people eventually choose a kind of slavery. Company
-price routine.
"Living together in exchange of losing freedom and privacy.
is true that living with a partner has its benefits: it provides some reassurance, "stability", "order", and puts us in "harmony" with the social standards.
But there is an implicit contract: what we do not tolerate in a friend, we tolerate in our spouse, we sacrifice our independence towards a relationship "healthy." Put off our desires, and if not, downsizing, truncate, often in pursuit of "harmony." Attach things that basically do not want to grant. I quote
recognized author :
"If my boyfriend left me, ensue a dangerous lack of definitions, a state of total freedom with which I could only respond with apathy and despair, insanity and suicide ... with existential fear. Those pains of love are so often ridiculed, perhaps the greatest misfortune that can rob a human being is the most intense experience of freedom that gives us the world. "
Frequently Asked slogans Who are you? "You're married? Are you in a relationship? Are questions which we face daily.
is not good that man should be alone. " Tremendous stupidity, but a good pseudoexcusa to take refuge in the warmth of a home "well-formed." When I say "well built" I mean "well-made-in-the-meaning-in-it-what-did-our-parents-grandparents, great grandparents etc"
Because if something important is this: do what is right , what is right, what we have taught young, without question one iota of what to do what is right.
"True love is for life," reads one of the most absurd slogans of all time. Absolute lie if it equates love falling in love. That would be tantamount to saying that a belief or a meal or a car or an ideology is for life. The slogans and sayings about love, especially those that encourage us to live under a dubious moral impregnable inculcating a religious commandments, are the children of hypocrisy.
Now, Let's face the sad reality: you can not live without some hypocrisy, without deceit. Therefore, usually we find ourselves in situations in which "should be politically correct and not say what they really think.
I've seen couples who, having started with a devastating crush, end-worn routine, consumed by boredom, subject to the spouse, stooping to humiliating treatment, with numerous insults, tolerating things that would not tolerate in another state or another person. This does not include the aggravating circumstance that there are children involved. Why?
The plot thickens
If there is something counter for a couple is the concept of fidelity. Faithfulness to whom and why? What is faith? To have desire to sleep with another woman or another man and not do it? Or should we get the fact to be considered infidel? Why use the term "misled me," I got the horns, "or the more drastic" I fucked? Does one is owned by someone? To my knowledge, we leave this world the most enormous loneliness. In short, the "loyalty" can serve paradoxically to avoid falling into a new crush! To put it in scientific terms, why mess!
In short, do not question love. It is a feeling of benevolence, of voluntary altruism, concern for others. But I maintain that everything is ahead of yourself. After all, is one which will face life.
argue that freedom does not stop us loving, but puts us in a difficult position to cope with than being "happily" attached to a partner. Would you sacrifice a project
yearned towards maintaining our partner? Many argue that it is not necessary, but reality tells us that most times we end up sacrificing.
In short, I maintain a model of couples where there is love in such a feeling of benevolence, sexual affinity, caring, altruism. While respecting individual freedom in which everyone has the right to do what he pleases, without harm, injure or cause damage. But neither accountability when it comes to our privacy.
Several times we say "born free", but this is not true. In reality, genetics and culture make us more slaves. The real challenge is to get more degrees of freedom, and whether to confront nature, because there we go.
After all, the great achievements of humanity were achieved with social revolutions, scientific, cultural and political tore down the existing shelf. However, there is a pending revolution: that of love. For now I see is pure orthodoxy in these matters if you do not adjust to what is "good", to "It is right," you're immediately regarded as an oddity, a freak, a bizarre, or what is worse, as someone dangerous.
After feminism, the "women's liberation" of the "sexual revolution", the recognition of the rights of homsexuales, etc, things did not change much as we think. In the background we still have the model marriage of 50, where Rock Hudson and Doris Day were the couple to follow.
Finally, there would be much more to say, but ended it in few minutes ¡¡¡¡¡¡ I have to meet my lover that I am recontraenamorado !!!!!!!! Dr.
Randi Aino
